Environmental Science & Engineering - www.esemag.com - September 2005
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When the grass is not always greener

By Tom Davey

Grass is a versatile word which has mutated into four quite separate meanings. For decades grass was the most widely-used noun for the verdant garden plant which forms the lawns of most domestic gardens throughout North America and Europe. In recent years, grass has mutated into a second noun for the most widely-used illegal substance in the world, cannabis.

But, as those who enjoy the BBC TV detective programs will know, the word grass has mutated again, this time as both noun and verb. In the UK, a police informer is disparagingly known as ‘a grass’ while the actual act of informing is in the form of the verb ‘to grass.’ Indeed, these slang terms have, almost literally, grown like weeds in the UK and are now spreading in Canada.

Speaking of the word grass, when used for informers, I was absolutely amazed to get a notice recently from our local council about a Clean Yards’ Complaint. I was incredulous to read that: ‘The Town of Aurora has received a complaint about the condition of your property’. The council note warned that I was required: ‘to cut/maintain grass groundcover on a weekly basis’.

Ironically, it now seems that someone has grassed on me; I have no suspicions that this came from a neighbour. The notice came at a particularly bad time as my wife was having serious health problems culminating in a stay in hospital. The name of the informer was withheld from me, nor was the bylaw officer able to come right away. However I was able to get a prominent and knowledgeable citizen to visit our place and he expressed amazement that the condition of my property had been the subject of a complaint.

The absurdity of the event was driven home by an e-mail from Ontario Clean Alliance, that week, which reported that Ontario had already had 34 smog alerts in 2005 and implored people to review their personal impacts on air quality.

Ontario has several hundred thousand gas or electric lawn mowers. The gas mowers emit greenhouse gases directly. Electric mowers do it vicariously from electricity generated at Nanticoke and Lambton, Ontario’s number 1 and 2 air polluters respectively.

But many Canadians have a great love for their verdant lawns which often mimics parental child care. In addition to the large volumes of water, chemical weed killers and fertilizers are often lavished on many lawns to achieve the perfect weed-free grass.

I have minimal objections when chemicals and fertilizers are applied in moderation, especially by experts. But, run-off from improperly applied fertilizer can accelerate eutrophication, which adversely affects the water quality of our rivers and lakes.

The current furor over global warming - with increasing smog alerts - makes it absurd to legislate that homeowners: ‘cut/maintain grass groundcover on a weekly basis.’ For example, my town has at least four large motorized grass cutters which are driven like golf carts over the town’s grounds, followed by operators with several grass trimmers which are also motorized. Cutting grass this way is fine, but surely it should be done when growth warrants it, not as a routine?

I do not quibble that yard maintenance is the decent thing for homeowners to do. However, I must mention that defining aesthetics has proved impossible in the world of both written and performing arts, let alone lawn care. Books that are panned by critics often emerge later as masterpieces. The renowned academie francaise, in Paris, rejected many books which are now regarded as masterpieces.

But one of the most famous lawsuits defining aesthetics was in London when Whistler sued Ruskin, a renowned art critic of his day. Ruskin had described Whistler’s ‘Nocturne’ as: “Throwing a pot of paint in the public’s face.” Whistler won the case but was awarded one farthing in damages, the lowest coin of the Realm. While the court case bankrupted Whistler, his reputation as an artist survived as did Ruskin’s reputation as a writer. But Whistler ran off to Venice with his mistress; Ruskin never consummated his marriage. The grass was greener in Italy.

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